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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968192">i won't say i'm in love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanleiarey/pseuds/hanleiarey'>hanleiarey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bisexual Han Solo, Bisexual Leia Organa, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Mentioned Amilyn Holdo, Minor Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Romance, Sex, Smut, Trip to Bespin (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:20:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanleiarey/pseuds/hanleiarey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>scar (n): a mark left on the skin or within the body tissue where a wound has not healed completely.</p><p>Leia and Han talk about their feelings and just how they might become each other's scars. <br/>However— having sex is always easier than confronting their fears</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leia Organa/Han Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i won't say i'm in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i came back from the dead to give you all a smutty hanleia oneshot.<br/>special thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutiesofcare/works%E2%80%A6">dutiesofcare</a> for helping me, i love you &lt;3 <br/>also, any unjustified hate, and i mean just plain biphobia, for headcanoing han and leia as bi, will be spectacularly ignored:)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You know,” Leia started saying, drawing Han’s gaze to her, “In all these years that we’ve known each other, you never told how you got this,“ she pointed out, running her index finger over the scar on his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both lying on the Captain quarter’s bed, wearing not so many clothes, not to say any at all. Leia was lightly resting on top of him, feeling his chest going up and down, immersed in the rhythm of his breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never did?” he frowned his eyebrows, not expecting the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia shook her head, her eyes never moving away from his. She felt Han’s hands caress her lower back in slow circles, gently drawing up to her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tell you what,“ he murmured as he sat up, Leia still on top of him “I’ll tell yah if you tell me how you got yours,” he said, brushing a small scar placed under her ribs and leaning towards it to plant a small trail of kisses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia moaned at the untiring sensation of his wet lips on her smooth body, yet it didn’t seem enough for her past memories to emerge and recall the incident. Then she realized she was blushing, fully remembering the events that provoked the scar. “Ugh, I don’t know, it’s quite embarrassing,” she grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han made a disappointed face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I guess you will never know,” he teased, as he leaned his back to the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Han!” she whined, incorporating him again as she accommodated on his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smirked at her mischievously, pinning her close with one arm, resting his forehead on her shoulder. Leia buried her face on his messy hair, getting lost in his scent. She sighed softly, clutching at his hair with one hand. Worried about the long silence she fell to, Han tilted his head at hers. “I— I mean, I don’t wanna pressure you to say anythin’ that you don’t wanna tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Leia shifted slightly, looking up at him. The story behind </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> particular scar unfolded a series of happy memories that seemed so far away in time; they almost felt like a dream. “It’s not like that at all,” she said huskily. “It’s just— it’s something I haven’t thought about in a long time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew she could trust Han. It wouldn’t be the first time that casualties had trapped them together for a certain amount of time, each scenario unraveling into sharing small anecdotes about their pasts; but those were usually only for a mere few hours, unlike the more than 5 weeks they had to spend in the Falcon until reaching Bespin. And certainly never </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>intimate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their bond hadn’t been built in only a few days. Maybe, and just maybe, the fact that she had cleverly signed for missions Han was enrolled in and certainly Han’s impulsiveness of taking those Leia was assigned to, resulted in both of them ending up having a closer relationship. Though Chewie and Luke were around the vast majority of times, those shared moments had brought them even closer; they grew to be a family, even though they wouldn’t admit it out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a given that Han was scared of commitment. He never admitted it, but she could read it in his eyes. He sure had worked hard to depict himself as some self-centered guy who only cared about himself, but years of experience in the Senate made Leia see past all the pretending quite easily. He had never been like that. Not one bit. And Leia knew the reason why he was afraid of commitment; it was the same reason she was afraid of it herself: fear of losing those they cared for. Han had lost enough people not to let himself get attached to anyone, and, for a while, it had worked. Until Leia and Luke came into his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even now, he was scared. Scared he would lose Leia. All this time, he had tried not to get too close to her, to avoid her, but he couldn’t. She was like a magnet. It was already too late when he realized the last Princess of Alderaan had bewitched him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia sat upon his lap, hands resting on his chest and her fingers gently caressing him. Han crawled back in her arms, his back against the headboard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was sixteen,” she began saying, holding his face in her hands, thumbs gently drawing slow circles over his jaw. “It happened on Coruscant, in my quarters — in a failed attempt to sleep with my then girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia’s cheeks started to redden and Han chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that certainly would have killed the mood,” he concluded, still grinning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was so bad,” said Leia, clearly embarrassed as she hid her face in the crook of Han’s neck, avoiding his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, sweetheart, it’s me you’re talkin’ to,” he shifted her kindly, his eyes meeting hers. “Kriff, if they gave a credit for every moment I’ve ridiculed myself—,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, your fortune would have definitely been making the competition to the Organas’—” Leia shrieked in laughter as Han, pretending to be offended, grabbed her and started tickling her mercilessly. With a rapid movement, he rolled over her, now on top, and whispered, “Keep goin´, what was her name?”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia chewed her bottom lip, hesitating for a second about revealing the name. But then again, this was Han she was talking to, and he wasn’t very fond of gossiping, or at least he pretended he wasn’t. It certainly wasn’t that she felt ashamed of who it was, not at all, but she didn’t want to be the number one topic of the Rebellion’s gossip hotline. Which she already was, given all the ongoing bets placed in her and Han’s alleged love affair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Amilyn Holdo,” she finally said. “And it happened on the way to the bed, I tripped and– let’s say the nightstand had sharp ends. So, three stitches”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han thrust his head back and laughed. Leia buried herself under the blankets just as soon as her cheeks started to turn scarlet red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leia Organa, I can’t believe you pulled such a show in front of the future Captain of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Candor.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” her voice was muffled under the bedsheets. He grabbed her waist and pulled her out, still grinning, and immediately pressed his lips to hers, leaving a trail of wet kisses down to her neck, his teeth brushing her sensitive skin. She let out a small chuckle and said. “Your turn, hotshot”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia sat up on top of him, her hips shifting with his, trailing her hands around his abdomen, waiting for him to talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han cocked an eyebrow. “Well,” he started, his voice a deep rumble. “Mine also has to do with sex.” He lifted up, Leia still on his lap, sliding his fingers into her messy and soft hair. “It was shortly before I enlisted in the Imperial Academy. We were getting into the shower and– well, I slipped, and the nice sink granted me this,” he pointed at his chin scar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her lips hard to keep from laughing until she couldn’t help herself anymore. “Oh my, I just got a pretty nice mental picture!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Han pretended to be offended and started tickling Leia, ending up on top of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” she pleaded, still laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After teasing Leia a few more times, he finally rolled over to her side, laying on his back, grinning like an idiot. After their accelerated breathings slowed down, Leia leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “And I thought mine was bad.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han groaned, “I really wanted to impress the guy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you did– with your characteristic lunacy,” she quipped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll give you </span>
  <em>
    <span>lunacy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, your Highness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved his lips to her collarbone, gently nipping at it, and then bent his head to kiss her, sensually and gently, savoring the moment as much as he could. Passion grew as their tongues danced together; Leia gasped, breathless, “Han”. Their hips moved in unison, drawing swiftly, Leia’s mouth insistent and passionate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Han traced down to her left breast, leaving a trail of smooth kisses on her chest and taking the sensitive nipple in his mouth, sliding his thumb over the other one, making Leia’s breath hitch in her throat. Her hands drew to Han’s shoulders as he circled and teased both of her breasts. Then, she felt his mouth shifting to her abdomen, biting it, as he got closer past her navel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tilted his head back, and hell, she looked beautiful. He drew one of his hands to her leg and lifted it up, resting it on his shoulder. His lips lingered on the inside of her thigh, and he grinned when he sensed Leia growing impatient. And just when she thought she couldn’t last any longer, Han’s mouth traveled to her folds. “Han–!” she moaned hoarsely as she arched her hips to his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sucked her clit into his mouth, adding pressure to it with his tongue. He moved it over every part of her; Leia threw her hair back, her hands gripping his hair just as he added more pleasure. He was– so talented. Han sank into a rhythm, his tongue encircling her swollen clitoris, making her legs quiver around his head. He stroked along her over her folds, alternating with tantalizing licks and kisses. He then slipped two fingers inside her, feeling her tightness and her muscles gripping around them. He started moving them in and out, with long strokes, just as his tongue kept flicking the nub of her sex. Her legs widened further, pushing her hips towards his face and holding his hair even tighter. The touch of his an agony of pleasure, pure adrenaline. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t an unknown feeling for Leia, as Han wasn’t her first, but they had had an honest conversation or their likes and dislikes, so he’d learned quite fast how and where to please her. It did help that he was an intuitive love, knowing how to drive her completely mad and make her see the stars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You taste so good,” he growled gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A loud moan escaped from her mouth; it was worthless trying to repress it. She’d allowed him to take control of her body, drowning her in a sea of sensations that kept increasing by the second. With the enthusiastic rhythm of his fingers moving inside her and his tongue on her sensitive clit, she couldn’t hold it back anymore “Han, Han, I´m going to–!” she cried out as a shuddering climax tore her, her legs trembling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dragged his lips over her ribs and chest, burying his head in the crook of her neck, kissing it, and listening to Leia’s agitated breath and the rapid beating of her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was— amazing,” she said huskily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han tilted his head and looked at her with the biggest grin on his face. He bent down to kiss her, and she tasted herself in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I just hope we are not done,” she murmured, sliding her hand between their bodies, her fingers finding and stroking him. He groaned in anticipation just as Leia closed her hand around him and started moving it up and down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re goin’ to be the end of me, sweetheart, ” he gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, ” she said, still out of breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He weaved his body around hers; he was heavy on her but comfortable. Her free hand slipped down the side of his torso, past his hips to his buttocks. Han tilted his hips up, leaving room for Leia to guide him inside her in a slow stroke, drawing her hand to the back of his neck as they both moaned, subsumed by intense pleasure. After a few seconds of pure bliss, they started moving their hips in unison, their bodies already accustomed to one another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their kisses became more passionate by the moment, slow and intoxicating. His mouth then moved to the lobes of her left ear as he slid his hand down to her thigh, pulling it around his waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leia,” he groaned huskily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he did something that had caught her off guard: he rolled over, so now he was seated and her on his lap. It’s not like they had had the time to know all their likes and dislikes, but Han had sensed from their first time having sex that she felt more comfortable on top, or rather in control. At least that had proven rather successful the previous night. Most of all, he liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rocking their hips rhythmically, they laid their eyes on each other, finding pleasure in their gazes. Han knew this wasn’t just sex, it was far more intimate than that. Han wasn’t only looking for his own climax, he wanted to bring Leia to the edge of ecstasy, make her see the stars, make her forget about the war for a while, make her feel good and in peace for a moment. Make her feel loved. He realized that his own pleasure wasn’t coming solely from the physical act, but from the deep care he had for her, showing intense feelings he had for her that he could no longer bottle up because he wasn’t just making love; he was making love with Leia. And he knew that was going to be his greatest adventure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Han,“ she murmured, kissing him intensely, her breaths coming in desperate gasps. From the way she looked at him, with those big bright brown eyes hers, filled with affection and adoration, he knew that, deep down, she felt the same, but understood that she wasn’t to say the words out loud, not yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them could hold on much longer. With their final thrusts, faster and harder, they finally climaxed, Leia collapsing into his embrace and him on his back. His arms wrapped around her, tenderly caressing her back, just as she placed her head over his chest, her breathing already steading as she carefully listened to the beating of his heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was light as a feather on top of him and he pinned her closer just as one of his hands threaded through her hair, lips moving to hers, wet and intimate. She shifted away a little bit, still wrapped around him, her leg woven between his and her head on his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe it took us this long,“ she murmured, as a reflective note. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew what she meant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re both a hell of stubborn souls,“ he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now you can finally say you slept with the Princess,“ she chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She meant it as a joke, and he knew it, but something bothered him, something that wouldn’t let him rest if he didn’t speak it aloud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I deeply care about you, Leia,“ she tilted her head up, his serious tone catching her off guard. “All these past years– every day that passed by, it made it harder to leave– to leave you. The fear of losing you– and after what happened in Ord Mantell, the simple thought of losing you, and this time my fault, for that damn bounty on my head– I could’ve never lived with that”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shifted up, her forehead on his. “I know,“ she whispered gently, “I’ve never doubted your intentions, no matter how much you drove me, and still drive me crazy,“ she started kissing him obsessively, untiring, insatiable for his mouth, for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He responded with the same passion. “Leia–” he murmured between kisses “I–” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wanted to say; it wouldn’t be the first time he had said the words to her. Just when he thought he might lose her after the bounty hunter’s attack in Ord Mantell, he had said them. He didn’t even think about it twice. They came spontaneously, and they made him realize how much she had bewitched him, how deeply he had fallen in love with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia had almost said the words, too, but a sudden explosion –one that had saved their lives– silenced her. And at that precise moment, after their lovemaking, she knew she meant them– she just wasn’t ready to say them, not yet. She feared that if she said them something terrible, beyond her reach, would happen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to leave after we get to Bespin?” she asked, her voice small. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath, knowing his answer would hurt her. “ I can’t risk anyone else’s life for my bounty,“ he responded. “But I’ll come back, I promise”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia felt her eyes water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me come with you, “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,“ he said, quickly, “I don’t want Jabba, or any of his despicable minions near you, ever” his tone was grave. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kriff</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he didn’t even want Chewie to come with him when he inevitably had to go pay a visit to the slug. “I promise I’ll be back, “ his voice was small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed hard. She understood, she truly did, but she couldn’t help but feel her throat tightening, fighting to hold back tears, and took a deep breath. “I’m—I’m going to,“ she broke off,  “take a shower.“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, she shifted away from him and the bed. He knew she didn’t want to be followed, so he let her go. He wasn’t going to invade her personal space because, after all these years, he knew when she needed to be alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Leia trudged to the fresher just as hot tears ran down her red cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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